Valentine’s Day Blues
Ladies and gentlemen I’d like to go on record and say that when it comes to love, I’m in need of advice.
Maestro, some blog reading music for my readers, please:
Typically as my my luck would have it I have an uncanny record for passing the festivities of Valentine’s day without a significant other year over year. Granted over the past couple years being particularly itinerant with stints in Seattle, New York and elsewhere I guess it’s no wonder. However prior to that I’ve still somehow managed to not have a girlfriend on Valentine’s day with some consistency. Hell, there was even one time when my relationship ended a few days before Valentines day!
This year is no exception and once again I am an unrestricted free agent on the day for lovers. Now it’s not like I’ve never had a girlfriend on Valentine’s day, mind you, and those few times when I have been in a steady relationship I was always an old-school romantic. It’s always been funny that the older I get the more different the way I love gets.
Remember when you were somewhere between 13-17 or so and love was this wonderful mystery? We had no idea about what love really is other than some strange primal feeling of longing for another person to be all yours. As far as how to love all we had was what we mimicked from TV, movies, maybe parents? No wonder adolescence is so filled with heartbreak and bad poetry/songs (and dear sweet lord I have quite the anthology of heart-wrenchers in my collection from that era) – we just had no idea what we were doing.
Later in life it’s different..or is it? Now we put up fronts a lot of the time and bury ourselves in work (or at least pretend to be too busy) so love can be a little harder to find. The scary part is that being 100% honest about how you feel about someone can actually screw the pooch! It’s sick I tell you! As adults we’re so messed up from past heartbreaks that for many of us it’s hard to trust anyone so falling in love becomes less about those old wonderful, primal feelings and more about taking a big risk in putting your trust in someone else’s hands. It can even be looked at as transactional in that two people get together because they each want something specific from the other, for example marriage, sex, security etc.
The traditional western idea of marriage has always boggled my mind since, as western socialized people, we pretty much spend our entire lives acting married to begin with! We date and practice monogamy and even get mad at our others if their eye wanders. The ironic thing is that usually marriage isn’t even a glimmer of an idea to either party at that point, so it seems a little bit crazy to expect total devotion at such a young age.
I have heaps of respect for any couple that has enjoyed a stable and mature relationship and even more for those who have parted ways amicably and tied up any loose ends. Jealousy may be an almost reptilian reflex for most but I think as humans we have the ability to reason it away either through trust or maturity.
To me Valentine’s Day has always been a bit of an oddity only because of the expectations folded into it that usually fall squarely on the shoulders of the male in a heterosexual relationship. It’s almost like “woman appreciation day” and while that may actually be a great thing I always wonder where the male equivalent is? Don’t we gentleman deserve one day a year to be un-stoic and accept the compliments of our female companions? It think there’s a conversation to be had there and you should really stay tuned to this humble blog for more on that very soon.
In the mean time I hope you remembered all the women who are special to you this Valentine’s Day and brought them flowers. If you forgot to get a rose for your mom too, then stop reading this post and get to the florist fast!